


Living Doll

by cecaniah



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Angst, BaekYeol - Freeform, ChanBaek - Freeform, Dolls, EXO - Freeform, M/M, Sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-04
Updated: 2016-07-04
Packaged: 2018-07-19 23:50:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,310
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7382515
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cecaniah/pseuds/cecaniah
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A doll shouldn't be able to dream. A doll shouldn't be able to think.<br/>A doll shouldn't be able to feel.<br/>And yet, Baekhyun falls in love with Chanyeol day after day.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Living Doll

 

 

“I am Park Chanyeol. I’m going to take care of you from now on.” 

 

The soft, though wobbly voice is enough to make Baekhyun wake from his sleep, and at first the brightness hurt his brown eyes, but he can’t blink neither try to close them. He can’t even try to avoid it, he can’t run away from its glaring light since he can’t move. It takes him a few seconds until he realizes that he can’t breathe either, that he is motionless as a dead body, although he doesn’t feel like death has reached him yet. 

 

When the sun’s clarity isn’t affecting his sight anymore, he manages to catch a glimpse of the voice’s owner. He has dark brown hair and his eyes are the same color, and he can see that he’s smiling. Baekhyun assumes that himself is smiling as well, because Chanyeol seems really pleased with his expressions. The first thing he notices is that the boy has the prettiest face he’s ever seen,  – though he’s never seen anyone besides him – and he likes how his lips are not too small, neither too big, and he wonders if Chanyeol sees that he’s staring at them because he starts laughing and God, his laughter is so pure, so comfortable to hear–

 

“You have the most beautiful eyes, Baekhyun.” He speaks, and Baekhyun is surely mesmerized by the way his mouth moves, the way he licks his pink lips as he keeps smiling widely at him. 

 

Hearing his own name in someone else’s mouth feels quite odd, though he thinks it’s okay because it’s the pretty boy with the rosy lips who’s saying it. Baekhyun is really confused right now, and he knows that he should be afraid of being conscious and not being able to make his muscles work, albeit Chanyeol’s voice makes him forget all that. 

 

“You must like my lips, don’t you? You seem to keep staring at them…” Chanyeol mutters, and for a moment he thinks he’s getting scolded, and immediately he looks away: if he could blush, his cheeks would certainly be in a bright red right now. However, the boy doesn’t stop smiling, not even for a second, and Baekhyun wonders what got him that happy. The mere thought that maybe he was the one who got him like that passes through his mind, but he quickly erases it. “Let’s go, Baekhyun, I bet you’re tired.” 

 

And when Chanyeol carefully places him in his arms, carrying him to the bedroom, Baekhyun sees a giant box thrown in the middle of the hall. It’s big enough to fit someone of his size inside, and he squeezes his eyes, trying to read what’s written on the front. 

 

_ “You are now the proud owner of a Living Doll. Baekhyun is its name.” _

 

A… doll? This word seems to be stuck in his brain, repeating itself several times, and it doesn’t make sense, it doesn’t make sense at all. How can he be a doll and still be able to think and to see? But, according to the box, he’s a living doll. 

 

And as a living doll, all Baekhyun can do as Chanyeol places him on the bed is smile, sitting motionless as it’s expected of him. 

\--

 

Time is a complex concept for Baekhyun, mostly when he passes his days laying down, looking at the musty wall and wondering how someone beautiful as Chanyeol can spend his life in a place like this. He’s pretty sure he’s memorized every crack of the ceiling, since it’s his hobby to count them. There’s nothing for him to do when his ‘owner’ is working except analyzing every detail of the melancholic room. 

 

The nights are his favorite parts, because Chanyeol comes back, and he always speaks with a smooth voice, always smiling at him. Baekhyun soon learns that Chanyeol likes singing, and he often sings for him to sleep – though he never does, he just pretends to make the boy happy. 

 

“I had a tough day at work, Baekhyun.” Chanyeol says as he sits on the bed, holding his unnaturally soft hand, turning the TV on cause he seems to like having a background noise. “I’m glad I’m back. What did you do today?” 

 

_ ‘I watched how your house is a mess. I also noticed the ripped picture in the frame… why are you alone in there? What’s the missing half?’ _ he wants to answer, but all he does is smile. He always smiles. 

 

“You must have had fun, mm?” Chanyeol speaks, gently squeezing his hand. Baekhyun likes his touches, he likes how warm his skin is, he likes how he is friendly with him. “And you must be tired, aren’t you? I’m tired too. Do you want me to tell you a story?”

 

Of course, there’s no vocal answer, but Baekhyun tries to tell him that yes, he wants. He loves when Chanyeol tells him stories, when he tells him tales about forgotten kingdoms and princesses. Sometimes, Baekhyun compares himself to the sleeping beauty, and he wonders if a kiss from Chanyeol would make him wake up. 

 

Soon enough Baekhyun learns that a kiss didn’t change anything. In fact, it did; it made things worse. 

 

It’s a cold afternoon as they are watching another movie together, but in that special day Chanyeol seems to be more lonely than usual. He’s too clingy, holding Baekhyun’s hand and leaning on his shoulder. Baekhyun likes it, he likes to be useful for him, since he uses to think of himself as a worthless thing, something that can’t do anything besides listening to his owner and smile as he talks about everything and anything. At least, when he’s cuddling with Chanyeol, he can help him feel better. 

 

For sure Baekhyun wasn’t expecting that, when the movie ended, Chanyeol would turn to his side and stare at his him. He couldn’t imagine that he would shut his eyes and move closer, gently cupping his face, caressing his slightly reddish cheeks, and that he would press his lips against his, kissing him softly. Baekhyun can’t close his eyes, and he wished he could, because maybe, just maybe, the magic would have worked, and he could wake up from the spell, just like Sleeping Beauty did. 

 

But he’s still a doll when Chanyeol pulls away. The only difference is that he’s a doll who has fallen in love with his human owner. 

 

Baekhyun knows he shouldn’t. He knows it’s awfully wrong, that it’s painfully impossible, but he can’t help it. Not when Chanyeol starts kissing him more often, starts calling him  _ baby _ , and Baekhyun is more than happy in being  _ his baby, his love. _

 

Instead of spending his days counting the cracks on the ceiling, Baekhyun observes the details of the room. There’s definitely a change in the way Chanyeol makes the bed, and he can see that the place is slightly tidier than it used to be. The ripped photo is still there, but one day Chanyeol decides to paint the dirty walls, so it will lighten up the area where Baekhyun lives. It’s  _ their _ room, as Chanyeol uses to say, and that’s why it has to be pretty. 

  
  


\--

 

“I’m not feeling very well, baby.” Chanyeol says one day when he’s back from work, and Baekhyun can see it on his eyes. It pains him so much, it makes his heart – if he even has one – sting, because he can’t kiss him and tell him it’s going to be alright. “But your smile will make me feel better, right? Your smile is what makes me keep going, you know that, don’t you?” 

 

It’s the first time Baekhyun is actually glad that he can’t stop smiling. He needs to make Chanyeol feel better, and he tries as hard as he can to look like he’s really happy, wanting to cheer him up. 

 

And Baekhyun is surely confused when Chanyeol starts crying instead. The glistening tears are rolling along his pale cheeks, painful sobs escaping from his pink lips, and he hides his face with his hands, as if Baekhyun can’t see him. 

 

_ ‘Why are you crying? I’m smiling for you, baby.’ _

 

Without hesitating, Chanyeol throws himself on Baekhyun’s arms, hugging him and sobbing on his shoulders. Baekhyun wonders what got him that sad, and he just wished he could do something, that he could hug him back, that he could whisper to him that he shouldn’t be crying like that, because he is so much prettier when he is smiling. 

 

But he is a doll, and all he can do is sit and smile, sit and stare as Chanyeol desperately clings to him, sit and listen to him saying he’s  _ so fucking sorry. _

  
  


\--

 

“Jongin says I should go look for help.” Chanyeol speaks, and he’s staring at Baekhyun. His eyes aren’t as sparkling as they used to be, there are dark circles under them, and he knows the boy isn’t sleeping well. “I shouldn’t listen to him. I have everything I need right here.” 

 

On that night, Chanyeol doesn’t tell him a story before going to bed. He is too busy crying whilst reading an old journal, and Baekhyun can swear he hears him whispering his name. 

 

In one of the stories Chanyeol told him, there was a girl who had to wear a mask in order to survive. Baekhyun can see that Chanyeol was wearing one when they first met, because he isn’t that smiling boy he thought he was. His eyes are often tearful, mostly when he stares at him, or when he talks to him; Baekhyun assumes it’s because he can’t answer. It’s surely saddening as Chanyeol spends his days speaking with a doll, and his voice is the only noise that fills the small room. 

 

“Sleep well, baby.” Chanyeol always says; Baekhyun wanted he could wish him the same. “Have sweet dreams.” Most of the time, Baekhyun thinks Chanyeol is being silly in saying those things, since he’s a doll and he surely can’t dream.

 

However, after Chanyeol sleeps with his face tear-stained, Baekhyun dreams. 

 

The grass feels smooth under their bare feet, and they are both laying on a hill, watching the stars. It’s something they used to love doing together, and their fingers are linked as they are holding hands. Baekhyun is laying his head on Chanyeol’s shoulder, feeling how sweet his smell is, and he surely adores his perfume. He likes hearing him talking about the constellations, pointing to the sky and trying to make him see the Orion, when he sees nothing but a bunch of sparkling dots. 

 

“You really aren’t normal, Chanyeollie.” Baekhyun speaks, peering at him. When Chanyeol asks why, he simply shrugs and smiles. “Normal people don’t know all the constellation names.” 

 

“Will you mock me when I find a new constellation and name it as Baekhyun?” 

 

“That’s a stupid name for a constellation!” He laughs, moving a little away so he can sit down. “You can give my name to a star, though. That would be romantic.” 

 

“Mmm.” Chanyeol hums, sitting down too and cupping his face, stroking his soft skin. “That will do. I will find a star and give your name to it.” 

 

“Oh God. You’re surely a dork.” He says, giggling. “I was joking! You can’t even name a star, you idiot.”

 

“Of course I can.” Chanyeol answers, stealing a kiss from him. “You’re my star, Baekhyun.”

 

When Baekhyun wakes up, he still is a doll. But the dream felt too real, too meaningful, and when he looks at Chanyeol he knows there’s something that he’s hiding. There must be a reason for why he lives in that complete mess, for why he doesn’t listen to his friends anymore, for why he cries some nights whilst sobbing that he’s sorry. Why would someone as pretty as Chanyeol be so unhappy? Sometimes he looks like he’s the motionless one, the dying one, and he does look more and more with a doll. Chanyeol’s skin is white because of the lack of sun, so pale that it seems like he’s made of porcelain. 

 

Nevertheless, Chanyeol is still alive; Baekhyun can feel it as they lay down together, his warmth makes Baekhyun feel like he’s burning. The box where his name is written is a constant reminder that, even though he can think and feel, he will never be alive as Chanyeol is. He will never be able to speak, neither to answer to Chanyeol’s questions, not even to say to him that  _ yes, I had a great day, how about you? _ At least he can dream, and in those dreams he always talks to Chanyeol, he always answers to his kisses, feeling the smooth lips against his own as they watch the sunset together. 

 

“Look, baby. That’s Orion, can you see its belt?” Chanyeol mutters as he’s reading a book about astronomy. But this time he isn’t dreaming; he isn’t dreaming even though the following speech is incredibly similar to his dreams. “This is the brightest star… if I could name it, it would be called Baekhyun.” 

 

_ ‘That’s a stupid name’ _ , Baekhyun wants to say, but all he does is smile, again. 

  
  


\--

 

It’s a raining day when Jongin comes in and Chanyeol decides to hide him, just as if he was a filthy secret. That hurts him, making him feel disposable and replaceable, as if he’s really just a doll. He’s back to the box and Chanyeol says he’s sorry, but that soon enough he will be back to the bed, where he belongs to. 

 

When they enter into the room, Baekhyun can see them through a crack in the wardrobe. They are sitting on the bed, Jongin has one of his hands around Chanyeol’s shoulder, slightly rubbing it, massaging his muscles. 

 

It’s the first time Baekhyun feels jealous. 

 

He feels jealous because Jongin can do all he wished he could do. Because Jongin hugs him as Chanyeol suddenly starts crying, stroking his back soothingly, telling him to search for help. Baekhyun knows that, if he could shed tears, he surely would, and he feels so angry at Jongin because he’s too close of Chanyeol.  _ ‘My smiles are everything he needs to feel better. I want Chanyeollie to be happy, but I am the one who should make him feel like this.’ _ , Baekhyun thinks, and he hates so much being made of plastic. 

 

“You have to move on, Chanyeol.” he hears Jongin talking, his eyes roaming over the room, as if he’s searching for something. “That… that thing isn’t good for you, you know that.” 

 

“Thing?” Chanyeol mutters, pulling away a little and he gets up, looking at him, and Baekhyun can see the hurt, the anger in his eyes. “He’s not a thing! He is Baekhyun, he…” 

 

“He isn’t Baekhyun and he won’t never be!” Jongin practically screams, making Chanyeol stop talking. They both are panting, and Jongin’s eyes are tearful as well. Carefully, the brown haired man gets up, his hands holding onto Chanyeol’s, slightly rubbing the skin, trying to calm him down. He takes a time before saying anything, as if he’s calculating his next words. “I understand how you are feeling, I surely do. But you have to move on, mm? I’ll be here with you. You don’t have to be afraid.”

 

Why is that boy saying those things to Chanyeol? Baekhyun can’t stop asking himself that, a storm of thoughts blowing through his mind, and he doesn’t remember anything that happened after that. Instead, he falls asleep, listening to Chanyeol’s sobs – lately, it has been his background noises in the night. 

 

This time, he doesn’t dream about watching the stars on the hills. Perhaps due to the scene he’s just watched, tonight he dreams about having a fight with Chanyeol. Baekhyun wonders why they would argue like this, cursing at each other, until he realizes there’s something wrong with him. He feels seriously tipsy, and even though he’s sitting on the car seat, he feels like he could fall down at any moment. 

 

“You’re not fucking seventeen anymore for me to pick you up because you got drunk!” He hears Chanyeol scolding him. It’s really dark outside, the trees are nothing but a mere blur at the speed they are going. 

 

“And you aren’t my parents to scream at me like this!” Baekhyun says, he’s so drunk he forgot about using a seat belt, and Chanyeol is so mad he didn’t remind him about the necessity of it.

 

“No, I’m not, but I have all the right. Do you know what could have happened to you, Baekhyun?” Chanyeol growls, turning his head to face him, when he should be paying attention to the steering wheel. “You’re young and pretty, you–”

 

But Chanyeol never completed his sentence. The loud noise of metal being smashed is louder than his voice, and the glass breaks as they hit onto a truck. It seems like a nightmare, waking up in the street, covered in your own blood, feeling as if all your bones are broken. He knows the end is coming, everything he wants now is to be able to see Chanyeol’s face one last time. Baekhyun tries to fight against the sleep, against the blackness that is surrounding him, but Chanyeol is taking too long… 

 

And then he wakes up, back to their house. He tries to speak, but his muscles doesn’t obey him, because he’s made of plastic. His last dream was so real that he still can feel the pain, still can feel his skin being cut, still can feel himself dying. It scares him a bit, in fact. 

 

Baekhyun is sitting on the bed, back to the usual scenario of his life. Chanyeol enters the room: his hair is messy, he looks like he hadn’t slept for days, his eyes are dim. Baekhyun wonders for how long he’s been sleeping, because he wouldn’t let Chanyeol become this. He would smile to him and let him hug him tight to make him feel better. The tv is turned on in the news channel, and that’s something that never happens. Chanyeol only lets him watch movies and cartoons. 

 

They watch it in silence, Chanyeol makes Baekhyun lay his head on his shoulder, softly running his fingers through his hair. There’s an odd familiarity in the air, the fact that they are watching tv together, not even exchanging any word. 

 

_ “‘The polemic surrounding the Living Dolls is near to its solution. After being persuaded by thousands of people, Do Kyungsoo has decided to close the fabric down. Old dolls won’t need to be returned to its maker, but it’s highly recommend their owners to do so. If you don’t remember the story and its controversial, please keep watching it” _ The girl on the Tv says.

 

“Everyone is saying that I should get rid of you.” Chanyeol mutters, his voice is shaky and hesitant, and he turns a little so he can face Baekhyun. 

 

“ _ The Living Dolls were created two years ago, after creating new animals based on dead animal’s DNA was possible. Having a new pet with the same physiology of your past one it’s an attractive idea, and that led to the expansion to the human race. Until the present moment, it’s impossible to create another human being, but the evolution of technology allowed the creation of almost human dolls. Even though they started as an upgrade of the sex dolls, soon their purpose became being a memory of the beloved ones”  _

 

“I don’t want to.” Chanyeol continues and he turns the TV off. He holds Baekhyun’s hand, looking at his eyes. “I know I have to, but... Baekhyun… I know you are in there, somewhere. Can you listen to me?” 

 

_ ‘Yes, baby, I can listen to you.’ _ he wants to answer, but he can’t. It looks like a curse, being trapped inside a plastic body, not being able to speak anything, to do anything but stand still and smile.

 

“Do you remember about me, right? We met at a stupid party and you was drunk, and I found you alone in the bathroom, throwing up. Everyone had left and I had to take you home, listening to you whining because you wanted to drink more.” Chanyeol smiles at the memory, his fingers gently rub the back of his hand, drawing invisible circles on it. “Your dad was mad at you and I had to lie that I was your friend so you wouldn’t be scolded… I slept on your bed in that day because your mom thought we were best friends. Do you remember?” 

 

And finally, Baekhyun remembers. He remembers that, in the next day, Chanyeol kept by his side when his parents went to work, and he made sure to take care of his hangover. Baekhyun didn’t see him until the next week, when they went to another college party. It took a while before they started to date, but when they did, they knew they were madly in love with each other. 

 

_ ‘I remember now, Chanyeollie. I remember how you used to tell me stories before going to bed, how you liked to make me smile, how we loved to sing together.’  _ He thinks, though it’s useless. His thoughts won’t reach Chanyeol, he won’t ever know that he actually listens to him, that even though his body is made of plastic, his mind and his heart are still there. 

 

“I wished you hadn’t known me, Baekhyun. I wished I could have let someone else find you in that party. If I had never brought you home, then you still would be here. You would have been the painter you were studying to be… It’s my fault.” Baekhyun is used to Chanyeol’s tears, so when he sheds them this time it doesn’t hurt that much. “I shouldn’t have screamed at you in that night. I wasn’t paying attention to the road… I wasn’t paying attention to you, for God sake. If you were using the seat belt, then maybe you would be alive… but I was too stupid to look at you.”

 

‘ _ It wasn’t your fault, you had asked me to not go to that party. We used to drink only together, but I decided to drink all by myself in that night.’  _ Baekhyun wants to say, but he smiles instead. He always smiles.

 

“I was desperate when you died… And when I saw that announcement on Tv, I thought it would be a good idea. It worked in the beginning, having a doll that was just like you are, so I wouldn’t be so alone. But it got worse, baby, because you can’t answer me, and I keep talking alone, and… Jongin says I’m going crazy. Everyone says that, actually… do you think I’m insane, baby?” 

 

_ ‘No, I think you aren’t-’ _

 

“Jongin convinced me to get help, because I’m fucking crazy.” Chanyeol says, and he isn’t crying anymore. There’s an ironic, defeated smirk on his lips, and he’s never seen him like this. Maybe he really has gone crazy. It makes sense, after all. Who wouldn’t lose their mind whilst spending their days trapped in a small house, talking to a doll that is identical to the love of your life? Mostly when this person is Chanyeol, the man who has been blaming himself for Baekhyun’s death. Everything makes sense right now. Chanyeol never stops saying how sorry he is; it’s almost as if the doll is a second chance for him to apologize. “That means that I won’t see you again.”

 

If Baekhyun had a beating heart, it would surely have stopped right now. He’s fallen in love with the pretty boy with the pink lips, and it’s so unfair that he has to smile right now when all he wants to do is to hug him and ask him not to leave. 

“Baekhyun… I’m sorry for doing that to you. I really hope I was just crazy and you aren’t there.” He whispers, moving closer and looking directly at his eyes. “Can you do something for me? Could you please wait for me? When I die, I want to be by your side.” 

 

_ ‘I don’t know if I can, baby… I’m a doll now. I’m neither dead, neither alive.’ _

 

“I don’t want to kill you again… but Jongin says it’s the best thing to do. I’m going to send you back to the maker and he will be sure to put you back to sleep.” Chanyeol speaks, and it’s obvious he feels guilty. Baekhyun wonders how he can sleep feeling that guilty all the time. “I’m sorry, Baekhyun. I’m really, really sorry. I have to go now, Jongin is waiting for me downstairs.” 

 

It’s difficult to decide what to feel, in such a moment when Baekhyun doesn’t want Chanyeol to go away, but at the same time he wants him to be happy. And even though he wants to keep living with Chanyeol, he doesn’t want to live like this. He couldn’t live like this, not after remembering everything that happened. 

 

The hasty, warm breath hits Baekhyun’s face, and he feels soft lips being pressed against his. They are damp because of his tears, but he likes the feeling; he savours it, enjoying the few seconds it lasts. When he pulls away, Baekhyun feels empty, even though he’s made of air and he already is vacant. 

 

“I love you, Byun Baekhyun.” Chanyeol speaks before going away, and he makes sure he won’t look back, because if he does, he will remain trapped in that house, in the memories of a life he’s once had. 

 

It’s so fucking unfair that he’s smiling when Chanyeol leaves, when he’s put into the box to be sent back to the fabric, when he wants to say that  _ I love you too, so much. _

 

But Baekhyun is a doll. Dolls can’t speak; they can only smile.

 

Therefore, Baekhyun smiles.

 

 

\--

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: thank you so much for reading this! if you liked, please tell me your thoughts about it. don't be afraid of leaving a comment. ♥


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